Have you ever given in to the demands of a persistent friend or salesman? I believe many of us have, and the reason was not because we had a very good relationship with the person or really wanted to do so, but simply because the person had asked repeatedly to the extent that we gave in. What then should we be learning from the parable in Luke 11:5-8, where Jesus taught His disciples about the man who received the help he needed in the middle of the night because he was persistent in his request? Was Jesus asking us to be thick-skinned whenever we asked for something?
In the verses that preceded Luke 11:5-8, we read that one of Jesus’ disciples asked Him to teach them how to pray, and He gave them the model prayer as a guide. Jesus then proceeded to use the parable of “The Friend at Night” to illustrate certain guiding principles of how we ought to pray.
Luke 11:5-8 And He said to them, “Which of you shall have a friend, and go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me on his journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; and he will answer from within and say, ‘Do not trouble me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give to you’? I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs.
First, our prayers should come from a spirit of dependence and humility. The man had approached his friend for three loaves of bread because he had nothing to serve his guest. It might not seem like a problem to us today because we can order food via delivery services or drop by a 24-hour supermarket. However, the display of hospitality through the provision of food and protection for travellers was a code of conduct that was strictly upheld by the community in Biblical times as access to food and water was a matter of life and death in the harsh conditions of the arid land in the Middle East. Hence, the man would be shamed if he failed to provide food for his guest, and was in desperate need. This is how we ought to go to God when we pray, from a position of dependence and humility to acknowledge that He is the only one who can give us what we need. There are times when we pray with a spirit of entitlement, expecting to be given something because we believe we worked hard enough to deserve it, or with a transactional spirit, when we negotiate that we would do something in return for God only if He granted something that we wanted. At other times, we pray for something with a plan B in mind. God is not one who could be manipulated by our offers and we can be sure our prayers are answered precisely in the way we would want them to be answered if we knew everything God knows.
Second, we ought to be bold in our prayers. Many of us take pride in being self-sufficient and are reluctant to ask for help because we do not want to be dependent on others, or we assume that others would not be willing to help. This reluctance can be encapsulated in a singlish term – “paiseh” – which means the feeling of shame or embarrassment. In the parable, the man was buay paiseh (i.e. not embarrassed) to knock on his friend’s door at midnight for help, which eventually led him to get what he needed. If a grouchy and reluctant friend would render help because the man was bold enough to ask, how much more would our loving Father meet our needs if we ask Him confidently? Jesus said in verses 9-13, “ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find”, and highlighted that even earthly fathers knew how to give good gifts to their children, how much more would our heavenly Father give to those who ask of Him.
Does being bold mean that we should expect to get anything we ask of God? Obviously not. James told us in James 4:3 that we do not have because we do not ask God, or we do not receive what we asked for because we asked with the wrong motives to fulfil our own pleasures. Jesus taught the disciples that when they pray, they should pray for God’s will to be done. Therefore, whatever we ask of God, it ought to be for God to work in our lives for His purposes. If we find ourselves saying, “I won’t serve you, God, if you do not give me X,” then X is our greatest love, our real god, the thing that we prioritise and trust more than God.
Third, our prayers should be frequent and persistent, just like how the man persisted in his request for help even after his friend’s initial rejection. It was also notable that the man had initially asked for only three loaves of bread, but because of his persistence his friend gave him as much as he needed. Paul also taught that we should pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). To pray without ceasing does not literally mean that we should pray nonstop as that would be physically impossible. Instead, it means that we should cultivate a spirit that is habitually devotional and to incorporate intervals of recurring prayer in our lives. In other words, we do not just pray once and stop there. If something is important enough to us and we truly believe that what we are asking for is in line with His Will, we should diligently pray about it. Persistent prayer for things that are in line with His commandments would also shape our behaviour and attitude and allow God to work in our lives to answer our prayers. For example, there are instances where the wife, who found it difficult to forgive her husband for cheating on her, prayed diligently to God for the strength and grace to truly forgive her husband, and was eventually able to forgive him and restore their marriage.
A good Biblical example is Hannah’s prayer for a son. Hannah was barren and unable to bear children for many years. Her husband, Elkanah, had a second wife, Peninnah, who was able to bear children and constantly taunted Hannah for her barrenness. 1 Samuel 1:10-11 recorded Hannah’s prayer, which showed her persistence in bringing her request to God despite many years of barrenness, and her tremendous faith and dependence on God to help her. Earlier, we mentioned that sometimes we go to God in prayer with a transactional spirit, prizing what we asked for above God, and as a result do not receive what we asked for. In Hannah’s prayer, she said to God that if He gave her a son, she would give him back to serve God, which showed her faithfulness and priorities. Hence, God gave her Samuel, which she dedicated to God’s service as she had promised in her prayer.
In conclusion, we learn that we should be dependent, humble, bold and persistent in our prayers. Before we apply these principles in our prayer lives, we should also be reminded that God has given us the privilege of going to Him in prayer because He loves us and is gracious towards us. Therefore, we should never take the avenue of prayer for granted. Just as communication is important in cultivating good relationships with our friends and family, prayer is necessary for us to draw closer to God. We can build a strong and close relationship with God through constant study of His word to know His will for us, coupled with recurring prayers to communicate with Him. Only then, can we unabashedly bang on God’s “door” in the middle of the night to ask for His help, with the confidence that He will render whatever help we need.