Even if you give everything for it, whether a coin flips heads or tails is not fully in your control.
The Bible has a lot to say about parenting. And it certainly is a very important topic. Humans have pretty short lifespans, we grow old and die. As James 4:14 puts it, life is like a vapour. That is the same fact of life that makes God necessary, that makes the meaning of existence based on God, who has no beginning or end. We’re all going to die, but the Church must live on. A large part of the survival of the Church is dependent on evangelism, saving new souls who may never have given the gospel a second thought- but as important, or perhaps mathematically more important, is making sure the next generation is sound in the faith. This is why parenting matters, especially for a Christian. The Bible commands that parents bring up children well, and provides useful advice and reminders, such as not provoking children to wrath (Eph 6:4), yet punishing them when necessary (Pro 13:24), and setting a good example (Tit 2:7), alongside numerous others. It also sets a brilliant framework for the roles of a parent and a child, and establishes authority that parents should have over their children.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” - Pro 22:6
Is this really true? Could it be possible that some parents did their best, but their children still fall away in the end? Humans are bound to make mistakes, and that includes parents. Good people can sometimes fail as parents too. The Bible gives us many examples of great people who would have presumably been ideal examples for their children. Yet, their children ended up causing them grief. Eli was a faithful priest (1Sam 2) but his sons were corrupt and didn’t know God. Gideon, a faithful judge of God that delivered Israel from the Midianites against all odds, fathered Abimelech who would kill all his brothers and try to take the throne. David, who was called a man after God’s own heart by God, had children who included an incestrous rapist and multiple rebellion leaders among others.
So how is it that good people can have bad children? This is the coinflip of parenting. No matter how good of a person or a parent you are, there is no guarantee of how your children will turn out. Proverbs 22:6 is a general statement, not a law of physics. Is it love to control someone's life or to set them free? If you controlled your child too much, is their faith yours or theirs? There’s only so much a parent can do. Regrettably, we have seen examples in real life. Great parents, really good people that do all they can for the Lord have children who grew up in the church, converted, attended worship services for years, only to fall. This must be painful for parents, especially over their children whom they love so much. It is a painful loss for the Church as well.
My parents are amazing people. They have set great examples for me over the years. They are not perfect, but no one is. They have brought me up with strong Christian values, and also gave me enough freedom to be very comfortable later on. If not for so many factors that were not in their control, I may not be a Christian now, or even alive either. There may have been times when I thought; “if I played one less chess game, maybe spent one less hour of producing music- would I be alive?”
If I did end up in hell this way, it would have been extremely unlucky for my parents (we don’t believe in luck but I refer to a subjective seemingly unfavorable result of God’s will as “unlucky”) God would not blame them for that for sure. There’s nothing they did that could possibly pinpoint my own lapse in rationality or stupidity.
Looking at this situation, what should parents do? God commands parents to provide for their children and raise them with good values in a Christian home. (Eph 6 - “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”) And so that’s all we have to do. God will not blame any parent for a bad outcome if they did their part. Raising a child is part of evangelistic efforts. Teaching the child about God, and letting God decide whether the increase will be given. All things work together for good to them that love God, so we must trust that His will is what’s best. That is what faith means.
Mat 7:13-14 reads:
“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”
Statistically, there will be way more people going to hell than to heaven. If you are a faithful Christian, I really don’t think it would be an exaggeration to put yourself at the top 0.02% of the human population. In terms of rarity, that is equivalent to having an IQ of 152+. I feel like you should be very proud of yourself for being a Christian if you are actively following God. And it is a legendary achievement and a great joy to bring up children in the faith as well. As such, it’s really really hard to say, but we should not be too discouraged if our children fall away. As sad as it is, it is mathematically quite likely, and things happen for reasons that only God knows sometimes. The only thing we can do after that is to pray for their return. That’s what the father of the prodigal son in Luke 15 did; just wait, hope and pray. And when his son returned he was so happy.
If you’re a parent and reading this, continue to give your best. There are many many things in your life that are not fully in your control, including your children. And a part of that is beautiful, in that we require faith in God for everything we do. I’m not a parent but I do have good ones. And as a child I’ll do my best to keep this coin flipped heads.