Self-reflection is defined in the Cambridge dictionary as “the activity of thinking about your own feelings and behaviour, and the reasons that may lie behind them.” It is essentially a mental process that we can all utilise to increase our understanding of who we are, what our values are, and why we think, act and feel the way we do. An example of self-reflection could simply just be asking ourselves, “what is important to me in my life?”. This can help us determine our values and what actually galvanises us in our day to day lives – is it love, connection, pride or support? Just to name a few. Of course, this must also be done in the right setting where we take the time to think, meditate on, evaluate and give serious thought to our behaviour, thoughts, attitudes, motivation and desires.
Why do so many people place such an emphasis on self-reflection and why is it so important? The short answer is that it is actually the key to self-awareness. It allows us to look back neutrally at our thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions. Through this practice, we can also look back at ourselves with newfound interest and curiosity that comes from a different perspective. The longer answer requires a deeper study on the whole topic of self-awareness and how it is the first step to solving a host of more complex issues.
Consider the scenario where we are eating with our friends and one of them has some food stuck in their teeth. Often we try to ignore it politely and hope the food disappears while the person eats, but no matter how you try to ignore it, it is usually the only thing you can think about every time the person talks during the meal. At what point would someone gently tell them about it? At which point do we suddenly realise that perhaps we also have food stuck in our teeth and subtly try to check our reflection for it? Why do we so easily take notice of someone else’s ‘blemishes’ but fail to realise our own?
The same happens to most of us in our spiritual lives as well, where we are often more concerned about others’ wrongdoings and camouflage our own. The Bible in 2 Samuel chapter 12 gives us an exact bird’s eye view of the above scenario, when David is given a true reflection of his actions from the prophet Nathan. Nathan first approached David in a delicate way by telling him the story of a rich man stealing from a poor man, possibly hoping David would connect the dots and reflect on his own sin. The poor man only had an ewe lamb which he had bought, raised and was “like a daughter to him”. The rich man who had exceedingly many flocks and herds, chose to take the poor man’s only ewe lamb and prepare it for the traveller’s nourishment. David’s reaction in verse 5 was instantaneous and his wrath was greatly aroused against the rich man. He even told Nathan that this man should die for his wrongdoings. The irony of the situation is then revealed by Nathan when he told David that the rich man in the story was essentially him, as he had taken Uriah’s only wife and got Uriah killed. It is not uncommon for us to react like David. It is often easier for us to see the wrongdoings of others rather than our own. If someone does correct us when we are wrong, do we react defensively or do we first reflect?
Nathan directly confronted David by telling him “Thou art the man” in verse 7, after David showed his anger against the rich man. It was God’s instruction to Nathan to chasten David after he had sinned. In fact, James could have been describing David’s sin when he wrote in James 1:14-15 that “every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” David committed an adulterous sin with Bathsheba who was Uriah’s wife and then caused his death on the battlefield. Even though God forgave David in the end, he still had to face the consequences of his sin and his child from Bathsheba died as a baby. We can read in Psalms 32:5 and Psalms 51 that David repented of his sin.
Another example of inadequate self-reflection in the New Testament is in Luke 18:10-13. The parallels of this parable are that both the Pharisee and publican were going to the temple to pray. Both were praying to the same God, were in the same place of worship and were working class men. However that was where the similarities ended. The Pharisee was a respected, religious member of the community while the publican was despised and was a questionable figure in the Jewish community. The self-righteous Pharisee exalted himself in his prayer while deriding the publican in verses 11 and 12. His reflection of himself was obviously tainted as Jesus concluded in verse 14.
So the question for us to think about is whether we have looked in the mirror often and hard at our own reflection? Or have we become David and the Pharisee in our daily lives? It is time for us to do some self-reflection and come back to God in repentance if we are guilty of camouflaging our blemishes.