Marriage is a lifetime commitment much like travelling on uneven ground. Sometimes, one may trip and fall,but the other spouse is always there to offer a helping hand.
Two are better than one…
Woe to him who is alone when he falls… for he has no one to help him… – Ecc 4:9-10
Men and women often approach various matters differently. For instance, women tend to be stronger in expression, language and are better in connecting the dots. Men, on the other hand, are often more analytical and master subjects more readily. The shortfall in one personality is made up by the strength of the other. Hence, I must embrace the strength of my Christian spouse and seek her advice when in need.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them (your spouse) with understanding…1 Pet 3:7
During the first few years of marriage, the bond is strong. With the arrival of a new-born child, a new routine starts to kick-in. Marriage can become a see-saw relationship when it relies on one’s inadequacy to maintain the bond. An example is one spouse is deemed as a good person and the other as a bad person to the child. Such methodology of showering love on a child may gradually weaken the marriage bond. It is important not to let parenting affect spousal relationships.
…each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. – Eph 5:33
The relationship must be renewed from time to time. There are many factors that can affect a good marriage. I would like to share my two cents worth of how to maintain a fruitful marriage from a husband’s point of view.
Avoid Being Box-Up By Work
Work can be stressful, especially when I am struggling with my competence. When I’m stressed at work, I do feel like there’s an imaginary wall surrounding me. These walls block my communication with my spouse. The wall makes my inner voice grow louder and soften the voice around my surroundings. I become short-tempered and get upset by trivial matters. However, I must not let such a troubling heart be channelled to my spouse. I must learn to reach out to my spouse for her helping hand.
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger… be put away from you.
…be tender-hearted… Eph 4:31-32
Treat Your Wife As Yourself
A Chinese saying “ 我不是你肚子里的尾虫”. It means there is no way you can truly understand what your spouse thinks unless you are a parasite living inside her. Sometimes, I can catch her meaning by the question she asks, but most of the time, I don’t really know. When a problem arises, it usually leads to an argument. Disagreement can be an opportunity to uncover concerns that have been bottled up. For instance, I learned that my spouse doesn’t like haphazard cycling trips and she is revolted at the sight of stray hair accumulating in our bathroom strainer. These insights, though seemingly trivial, made me mindful of her concerns.
So husband ought to love their own wives as their own bodies… Eph 5:28
Be Child-Like
I do have child-like moments with my spouse when we are alone. We would joke, poke fun at one another and laugh over it. Laughter provides a comfortable setting for us to bond and talk to one another.
A merry heart does good, like a medicine – Prov 17:22
Working Along Common Goals
Another way of improving our relationship is to find our common goals. During my child’s secondary school selection process, we wanted to find the right school that fitted our child from our perspectives. We deliberated for several days and eventually reached a consensus. It was an enjoyable experience, as I got to know my spouse better through the deep level of communication. The process is much more worthwhile than the outcome.
“… I will make him a helper comparable to him.” - Gen 2:18
Hope you enjoy my sharing of lessons gleaned from my marriage life. Thank you.
Ask Yourself:
Name 2 epistles that mention the role of husband?
Which attribute opposes an angry spirit?
Discuss with your spouse about your common goals.
Suggested Answers:
Ephesians and Colossians
Be tender-hearted